This past month has had its highs and lows. Last month I wrote how Kate
had become so much happier and fun. While some of that is true, she
has also developed stranger anxiety. I don't know if you can even call
it that because we have never left her with anyone. When she has her
stranger anxiety episodes we are right by her side. The first time it
occurred was about a month ago. We were in Utah with family for the
weekend. The night we got there she just started to scream bloody
murder and it pretty much was that way the rest of the weekend. If she
got too close to other people she would start fussing which would sometimes lead to screaming. The worst part
about it is I could not console her. She would not have anything to do
with me when she got this way. She would not even feed to calm down.
That weekend she would go 4 to 6 hours without eating when she usually
eats every 2 to 3. Luckily, she liked Nate and he would be able to calm her down
but if he would try and give her to me after she had calmed down she
would freak out again. It was like she was mad at me. It was the worst
couple days of being a mother. I did not know what to do for my baby
and she did not even want me. I cried a lot. Since that time it has
happened at a get together with friends and then with Nate's family last
weekend. Last week Nate at one point could not even console her so she
sat in her car seat and cried/screamed. People probably think we are
horrible parents but when nothing consoles your baby you just have to
let them scream. I am really hoping this is a phase and she grows out
of it SOON. If anyone has any tips/advice we would love to hear it.
She is so beautiful! Love her!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear about the crying/freaking out episodes, especially when she won't come to you! That is SO hard as a mom, and I know what you mean when you say that YOU cried a lot. (Been there!) I think it's really sweet that Nate can usually calm her, and maybe it's good that he has that with her. So often, I think dads feel like a third wheel in the baby-mama relationship, especially when the mom breastfeeds. Some of my friends' husbands have told me that they didn't really feel connected to their babies until after they stopped nursing because it just didn't feel like the baby needed or wanted them at all. So I guess if there IS a silver lining to this difficult situation, it's that Nate gets to have a special role with calming Kate? (That said, it doesn't make it any easier on you.)
I wish I had some brilliant advice, but I don't. I think some babies and kids just do better in their own environment and traveling is going to set them off. Noah is somewhat that way, and like you said, it makes me sad that people don't get to know the adorable Noah that I know. It's especially hard when I feel like people are judging him, like "Is he always this grumpy?" It makes me sad that they don't know and love my awesome baby. (Their loss!) When we move to Idaho, Noah and I will come visit you guys in Boise so we can experience Kate in all of her cutest glory!
Hang in there! It just keeps getting easier and more fun!! (Sorry for the world's longest blog comment!)
(And the comment is about to get even longer!) Also, you are absolutely right that sometimes you just have to let the baby cry when nothing consoles him/her (or when you are about to lose your mind). There were a few times when I had to put Noah in his crib and go sit in the apartment courtyard because my heart was beating so fast and I felt like I was about to have an anxiety attack. After a few minutes of quiet, I was able to go back in and soothe him with love. It's okay for moms to take little breaks. And it's okay for babies to cry now and then. It's the only way they have to communicate any negative emotion they are feeling, and sometimes they just need to let off some steam! :) They will not be scarred from it.
ReplyDeleteAnd one more thing...it's okay to know Kate's limits and your limits. It's okay to say, "As much as I'd love to go to that family event next weekend, it's going to set Kate off, which is going to set me off, so we are going to skip it." This is easier said than done, especially when you really WANT to go to the event or feel like people will be disappointed in you if you don't go or think you are wimpy and can't handle your baby. I've slowly learned Noah's limits over the past year and I find we are much happier when I don't push him too hard (which is why I've stopped taking him on trips and airplanes when I can help it!)
Sorry I talk about my experience with Noah so much--but he has sure taught me a lot! :) Hang in there, girl!